idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize