How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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