I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
