How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
