hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
