oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
