You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
