Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
