did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
