just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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