He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
