mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
