Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
