If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize