I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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