dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
