For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
