Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
