i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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