Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
