never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
