thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
