Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
