Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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