He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize