So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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