she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
