I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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