I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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