I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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