I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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