i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
