Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
