apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
