Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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