I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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