The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize