some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
