How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
