There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize