I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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