Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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