a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
