my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
