I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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