Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
