He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
