you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
