i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
