I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
