I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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