so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
