I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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