I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
