didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
