Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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