I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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