I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
