I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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