I accidentally burped into my bong.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
