If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my poor anus
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
