I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
