I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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