So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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