Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
