Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
