She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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