Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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