i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
