I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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