I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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