if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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