I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
