Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
