Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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